Sunday, April 8, 2007

Wednesday, April 4th

So I flew my behind off today. Antigua to Atlanta and then onto Vegas. On the way to Atlanta I sat right behind the first class section. I know I sound like the last person to do it in a pervy teenage comedy like American Pie, but I have never sat in first class. EVERYONE I know has sat in first class, even people who I am surprised they let on a plane in the first place.

But, if I can't get all the champagne and hot towels I want, I can at least see what it is like to take a first class pit-stop. Right?


All the lavatories were full for us huddled masses in coach, so I went to use the bathroom that was 15 feet away from my seat, and I was stopped by the first class stewardess who very curtly put up her hand and waved it towards me like I was a leper and barked, "Back! Back! Back!"

I checked my skin to see if I was covered in sores or if I had a wild dog following me but I didn't. So I gave her a look that very kindly said, "If you think you can treat me like that you do not know my ability to write a strongly worded letter to your superiors. And nice face lift. You're not fooling anyone, Joan Rivers."

She must have gotten my subtext, because when I returned from the groundlings bathroom (which was outside the plane) she asked me if I needed anything. And I sucked down that Diet Coke she brought me like it was my job.

Anyway, my bruised ego was salvaged from the aviation caste system when I got to my hotel in Vegas. It was the Signature, attached to the MGM Grand, and it was nicer than any hotel I have ever stayed in. I had a bathroom that was bigger than my apartment. And a full-on kitchen! With a toaster! I haven't seen a toaster in months! I even had a sitting room. I bet that stupid stewardess doesn't have a sitting room at her hotel.

Anyway, the sweet hotel room was enough pay back for me to decide not to call Delta and complain about the service. However, if I did call and complain it would have looked like this: But, here is what you can't see in the picture - I'm calling from my BATHROOM! Take that!


Amy said...

I have never flown in first class :( So now you know someone else who hasn't.

Katie said...

YES! Amy and I are the last virgins in the high school!

Arnie said...

I have never flown first class either.

Allison said...

You're not fooling anyone trying to pretend you're not talking to me on that phone in your vegas bathroom. We're talking it out...