So I flew my behind off today. Antigua to Atlanta and then onto Vegas. On the way to Atlanta I sat right behind the first class section. I know I sound like the last person to do it in a pervy teenage comedy like American Pie, but I have never sat in first class. EVERYONE I know has sat in first class, even people who I am surprised they let on a plane in the first place.
But, if I can't get all the champagne and hot towels I want, I can at least see what it is like to take a first class pit-stop. Right?
Wrong.
All the lavatories were full for us huddled masses in coach, so I went to use the bathroom that was 15 feet away from my seat, and I was stopped by the first class stewardess who very curtly put up her hand and waved it towards me like I was a leper and barked, "Back! Back! Back!"
I checked my skin to see if I was covered in sores or if I had a wild dog following me but I didn't. So I gave her a look that very kindly said, "If you think you can treat me like that you do not know my ability to write a strongly worded letter to your superiors. And nice face lift. You're not fooling anyone, Joan Rivers."
She must have gotten my subtext, because when I returned from the groundlings bathroom (which was outside the plane) she asked me if I needed anything. And I sucked down that Diet Coke she brought me like it was my job.
Anyway, my bruised ego was salvaged from the aviation caste system when I got to my hotel in Vegas. It was the Signature, attached to the MGM Grand, and it was nicer than any hotel I have ever stayed in. I had a bathroom that was bigger than my apartment. And a full-on kitchen! With a toaster!
I haven't seen a toaster in months! I even had a sitting room. I bet that stupid stewardess doesn't have a sitting room at her hotel.Anyway, the sweet hotel room was enough pay back for me to decide not to call Delta and complain about the service. However, if I did call and complain it would have looked like this:
But, here is what you can't see in the picture - I'm calling from my BATHROOM! Take that!
4 comments:
I have never flown in first class :( So now you know someone else who hasn't.
YES! Amy and I are the last virgins in the high school!
I have never flown first class either.
You're not fooling anyone trying to pretend you're not talking to me on that phone in your vegas bathroom. We're talking it out...
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